i've got a feelin...

that tonight's gonna be a good night.

ok well actually no lol. but that song is bloody stuck in my head.

so is the word bloody. i re-read a book by p.c. cast, (goddess of light) && her main character (pamela) says "bloody" and "buggering hell" all the time. so now of course, i have been too.

today by all rights && purposes "should" be a good day. tonight should be a good night. i've caught up with a few friends. had a wonderful lunch date with a very nice boy. am spending the day with a lovely friend going tattoo shopping and if i get lucky i'll come home with a new tattoo that says "faith is being sure of what you hope for" along my left waistline (pics to come). i have plans with good friends tonight to get a good drink at a decent bar. && yet tonight will most likely not be a good night.

a certain someone walked into my life && irrevocably changed it 6 years ago today. the fact that i notice the date, feel sad over the date (even though today should be a good day because of my good plans and good friends despite the date), makes me feel pathetic. truly pathetic.
and old.
6 years. i am old. i am...what's the word? pre-old? prematurely old! that's it.
i am prematurely old.
i am gray.

i am silly. that's for sure.
this whole mess is silly.

so friends. despite the fact that i am haunted by today's date. i am going to do my bloody well best to frigging ignore it.
and after this post i'm not going to talk about it.
i'm not going to think about it.
i am woman hear me roar dammit!
i am going to have fun with my friends && do my best to pretend today means absolutely nothing more than a tuesday in december.
yes. that's my plan.

we'll see how it goes.