i've got a feelin...

that tonight's gonna be a good night.

ok well actually no lol. but that song is bloody stuck in my head.

so is the word bloody. i re-read a book by p.c. cast, (goddess of light) && her main character (pamela) says "bloody" and "buggering hell" all the time. so now of course, i have been too.

today by all rights && purposes "should" be a good day. tonight should be a good night. i've caught up with a few friends. had a wonderful lunch date with a very nice boy. am spending the day with a lovely friend going tattoo shopping and if i get lucky i'll come home with a new tattoo that says "faith is being sure of what you hope for" along my left waistline (pics to come). i have plans with good friends tonight to get a good drink at a decent bar. && yet tonight will most likely not be a good night.

a certain someone walked into my life && irrevocably changed it 6 years ago today. the fact that i notice the date, feel sad over the date (even though today should be a good day because of my good plans and good friends despite the date), makes me feel pathetic. truly pathetic.
and old.
6 years. i am old. i am...what's the word? pre-old? prematurely old! that's it.
i am prematurely old.
i am gray.

i am silly. that's for sure.
this whole mess is silly.

so friends. despite the fact that i am haunted by today's date. i am going to do my bloody well best to frigging ignore it.
and after this post i'm not going to talk about it.
i'm not going to think about it.
i am woman hear me roar dammit!
i am going to have fun with my friends && do my best to pretend today means absolutely nothing more than a tuesday in december.
yes. that's my plan.

we'll see how it goes.

christmas wishlist

(impossible heights i am asking for i know. but hey a girl can dream can't she?)

1. a boy like this, under my mistletoe.


2. a house to live in come february and a roomate to boot.


3. a motorcycle (haha i know, not gonna happen)


4. a new digital camera (i may buy this for myself soon enough)

5. a duck. yes i'm serious.


6. someone to publish my poetry. gah, what i wouldn't give.

7. a holiday with my family where nobody fights.

8. a vacation lol. nyc, or hawaii would be my premier choices.
anywhere would do really.

9. a new job. maybe fox and hound? somewhere on the weekends where i can make enough money to not go broke when i'm student teaching.

10. hope. for me. for my friends. for my family. everyone's hurting right now.
is it just the holidays? i just don't know.


11. a new tattoo. dear god i'm craving it SO bad.

julie/julia project

i'm watching julie & julia. it's adoreable.
i've been blogging on various websites for years.
i wonder if i'll ever be famous for my thoughts. ha.
probably not.

i can relate to poor julie.
i feel very lost lately.
nearly 22 years old.
graduating in a mere 5 months.
and no idea where i'm going to be living come february.
what i'll do.
where i'll teach.
oh lord.
lol well it'll work out eventually.

i'm going to the nutcracker on sunday.
i'm going to buy a brand new red dress.
there's something about a new dress that makes a girl feel like a new woman.
and lord knows i need to feel like a new woman.
or hell, a woman in general rather than a child ha.

things i am in love with at the moment:
connermonster, the 2 year old i watch frequently.
the new hoodie i got from walmart. who would've thought? it's so snuggly.
scotty's new puppies. they're like a cross between hamsters and dogs. it's the best thing ever.

i wrote a children's book for a class
it's a non-fiction book about adoption.
for children who want to learn more about adoption,
whether they know someone whose adopted,
or have an adopted sibling or are about to get an adopted sibling,
or are themselves adopted,
or simply are curious children.
i read it to my class.
2 students wanted a copy.
my professor gave me a website to help me get it published.
my mom cried.

am i a writer?
we shall see. we shall see.