where words fail, music speaks

these are songs that are stuck in my head all the time lol. thought i'd share them with you.

"i think its luck but its the same
hard luck we've been trying to change
maybe its love but its like you say
love is just a role that we play"

"you are secondhand smoke
man i like the skin stretched over your bones
you are so fragile and thin
standing trial for your sins
holding on to yourself the best you can
you're the smell before rain
you are the blood in my veins
call me a safe bet
i'm bettin' i'm not
glad that you could forgive
only hoping as time goes
you can forget" brand new

"i've got a feeling
that tonight's gonna be a good night
yeah tonight's gonna be a good night
tonight's gonna be a good good night"

"the party don't start till i walk in
don't stop make it pop
dj blow my speakers up
tonight i'ma fight
till we seen the sunlight" keisha "tick tock"

"it's 4:03 and i can't sleep
without you next to me
i toss and turn like the sea
if i drown tonight
breathe me back to life
breathe your breath in me
the only thing that i still believe in is you
you helped me live and learn" shinedown "if you only knew"

"someday maybe somebody will love me like i need
someday i won't have to prove cause somebody will see
all my worth but until then i'll do just fine on my own
with my cigarettes and this old dirt road
well i left another good man tonight
wonder if he'll miss me lord knows I tried
but i think that maybe the thing that I did wrong
was put up with his bullshit for far too long
i think i might like the quiet nights
of this empty life" the wreckers "cigarettes"

"maybe it's true that i can't live without you
maybe 2 is better than 1
there's so much time to figure out the rest of my life
and you've already got me coming undone
i'm thinking 2 is better than 1" boys like girls (ft taylor swift) "2 is better than 1"

"and i want to scream all the stars right out of the sky
and destroy the prettiest starry night
every evening that i die" atreyu

"cause i'm broken when i'm lonesome
and i don't feel right when you're gone away
the worst is over now and you can breathe again
i wanna hold you high and steal my pain away
there's so much time
and no one left to find
i wanna hold you high and steal your pain" amy lee and seether "broken"

"if you can wait til i get home
then i swear to you that we can make this last
if you can wait till i get home
then i swear come tomorrow this will all be in the past
but it might be for the best
(girl) you know you can't give me what i need
and even though you mean so much to me
i can't wait through everything
(boy) is this really happening
i swear i'll never be happy again
and don't you dare say we can just be friends
i'm not some boy that you can tame
(both) we knew this would happen eventually"

"that's when she said 'i don't hate you boy
i just want to save you while there's still something left to save'
that's when i told her 'i love you girl but i'm not the answer
for the questions that you still have'
if this ain't love then how do we get out" rise against "savior"

"picture perfect memories
scattered all around the floor
reaching for the phone cause i can't fight it anymore
and i wonder if i ever cross your mind
for me it happens all the time
it's a quarter after one i'm all alone and i need you now
i swore i wouldn't call but i've lost all control and i need you now
and i don't know how i can do without
i just need you now" lady antebellum "need you now"

"i'm an old abandoned church
with broken pews and empty aisles" brand new

2010..eeks.

so it's officially 2010. && with that comes the making of resolutions, and the acknowledging of the breaking of resolutions in 2009.

i really want to quit smoking. i've tried the gum. i've tried cold turkey. next stop, the patch.

i want to be at least 115 pounds. this is just about average for my body type and height (5'2), i weighed this my sr. year of highschool, && i feel like i'd fit in my own body better if i just lost these last few nagging pounds. i'm at 123 right now. so just 8 lbs. i feel like i'd be in better shape, less panting when walking, and feel better in my own skin.

i don't want to be in any unhealthy relationships this year. at all.

on the note of the last resolution. i'm reevaluating what i want in a mate.
no this is not one of those checklists that you see overcontroling women with sticks up their rear ends make (hence, the ugly truth), && refuse to change or allow exceptions, and fall in love with the checklist rather than a real man. i realize that there is no perfect man out there. people are people. you gotta take the good with the bad. but i'm tired of settling for only receiving the bad in the male species, and i feel it's time to take control of my own love life and at the very least, set some mild and healthy dream guidelines for the type of person i would like to be with.

1. passion. he's gotta be passionate about SOMETHING in his life. i don't even care what. but an unpassionate life isn't much of a life at all.
2. goals, dreams, aspirations, hopes. he's gotta have something he's working towards. it kinda goes along with the passion thing.
3. respect. he needs to respect me, as a person, as a woman, as a partner, as an equal. and the rest of the world too. no racists, no bigots, no self-righteous, etc.
4. laugh. he has to make me laugh. i just am not even interested in people who don't.
5. well read. i have never been with a guy who loved to read. it would be amazing to have someone enjoy my passion.
6. faith. my faith is really important to me. and while believing exactly as i do is definately not a requirement it's still important to me that faith is something we could share. "a woman's heart should be so close to the Lord that a man should have to look to Him to find it."
7. priority. i do not expect to be #1 in a guy's life. i think family and friends, and sometimes even dreams/hopes/jobs/ etc have to come first. i beleive in balance. making time for all of the priorities. i don't like those couples who drop everything important to them, friends, jobs, hobbies, just to be with their significant other. i am not like that. i will not do that. but i do make the person in my life feel important, i do include them, i do make time for them, and they know that they matter through my actions and my words. i want the same. i want to matter.
8. friends. my friends have got to approve. i don't care if they don't end up bff. but i want to be able to incorporate hanging out with my boy along with my friends.
9. accept me. at my worst and at my best. like me for me. like me because i bite my lip when i'm nervous, because i'm never on time, because my house is a mess and i could live out of my car for a month just fine. like me because i hate pork and could never kill anything, like me because i'm compassionate, like me because i cry at commercials and laugh at old slasher movies. like me because when i get mad i just bawl. like me because i push people, never give up on people, and can drive a man insane. like me because i have morals. like me because i break rules. like me because i'm a bitch in the mornings. like me because i'm insecure. like me because i'm shy, like me because i call too much, because i expect the best out of everyone, because i'm clingy, because sometimes i'm selfish. accept me at my worst.
10. be patient. with me. with chidren. with life in general.
11. do not be moody! i hate when guys are moodier than me, and i'm not very moody. let shit roll off your shoulders, pick your battles, it's not the end of the world. dont bring my mood down just because you had a shitty day at work. let me bring your mood up.
12. be silly. be free. be independent. be spontaneous. be romantic. be goofy. be nerdy. be geeky. be dangerous. be exciting. be compassionate. be loving. be care-free. be responsible. be hard-working. be mature. be child-like.
i contradict myself.
maybe i expect to much.

a girl can dream i suppose.
happy new year.